I feel like I’ve been drifting along for the last couple of months. I don’t know what and how, but I feel like something is missing. I don’t have random thoughts crossing my mind all the time anymore. It feels like… peace. But it’s also feels like emptiness. I don’t feel like I’m in a rush anymore. But it also feels like things have come to an halt sometimes. Maybe I’ve lost my purpose in life. Maybe I’m content with my life. I can’t tell the difference.
Again, it’s been a long time since I’ve scribbled down something here, but I don’t mind it anymore. Now I’m doing it if I feel like it. Maybe it’s better this way.
There are a lot of maybes riddled through this… mess. Maybe this, maybe that, but I want to change it. I want some answers!
What is missing and why it isn’t there anymore? Is it good that it’s gone, or is it a warning of some sorts?
I think it comes down to two things. First, I don’t care about most of the stuff going around me like I used to, meaning, I’m bored. Second, because of this, my interest to some of the things I did back then is not there anymore.
So, the thing I lost is interest. Not in life obviously, but some of the things in it. It’s kind of a problem and might turn into a big one if not handled properly.
I can count couple of reasons but I’ll not, because I want to focus on solution(s).
I can try to find something to work on outside of my working hours, like a pet project. I can try to find a hobby or get back into some of the ones that I stopped doing. I can try to go out more, find new places and spend more time discovering the world around me. I can try…
But here is the kicker; I don’t want to. The other thing that is lost is my will it seems.
Will I get it back? Time will tell. Until then, I’ll try to do some of the things I’ve listed above, even if I don’t want to. Maybe my will will come back after doing so.